Introduction : you fuck them up -- Then and now : your twenties vs. your child's twenties -- Living at home : the good old days-- today! -- A message from the author -- Acceptable childhood myths to still insist are true to your adult child -- Unemployment : motorcycle gangs and Nobel prizes -- Unemployment : creative child vs. uncreative child -- Your child's first job : take a picture on their first day and make an ornament out of it -- Helping your child get a job : only bitter people hate nepotism -- A memo from Linda Walker : mother to Sarah Walker, and non-crarent -- The gift of technology : helping your child through their stay-at-home twenties -- Partying with your child : the party's over before it's begun -- Let's keep it in the family : partying with your child's friends -- Religion -- Holidays : eww -- Jesus in his twenties : the lost years, revealed! --

Birthdays : a time to give -- A message from the author -- Roadtrip! : probably less exciting than the film of the same name -- International travel : ole! -- Sex : I've said too much already -- Something for the kids : sex in the parental home -- Parental visit : a glorious forty-eight hours, and no more -- Middle-of-the-book survey -- Sibling rivalry : one child is probably more talented than the other -- Prison perspectives with John Walker -- Family reunion : double the family double the-- not fun -- Divorce : you've really outdone yourself this time -- Death : please don't make it suck even more -- Comparisons and competition : your child's great as they are--unless they aren't -- A message from the author -- Guilt : I feel bad for writing this chapter -- Therapy : stop talking about it, crazy -- Significant others : the possibility that your child will not die alone--unless you somehow screw it up -- A message from the author -- Rehearsal dinner : par-- ty? -- Wedding : it's official, your child will not die alone, unless they divorce or their spouse dies first, but you know what I mean -- Pregnancy : eegs! -- So you're a celebrity : don't read this if you're not a celebrity -- Now let's all cry together -- A message from the author -- End-of-the-book survey.